A Ladd In Domino
by Sora-Chan The Brave And Random
Summary: Yami is a thief on Domino’s streets, accompanied by his friend Tristan. Seto is an evil advisor to a clueless mayor, and he wants to rule. So Seto uses Yami to find the Millennium Puzzle and take over the city. But EVERYTHING GOES TOTALLY WRONG!
1. The Good, The Bad, And The Whitewheat

A Ladd In Domino (AU parody/humor)  
Yami is a thief on Domino's streets, accompanied by his friend Tristan. Seto is an evil advisor to a clueless mayor, and he wants to rule. So Seto uses Yami to find the Millennium Puzzle and take over the city. But EVERYTHING GOES TOTALLY WRONG!  
**Warning! **violence, screaming humor, and HORRIBLE AMOUNTS OF S'MORES! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!**  
Pairings: **eventual accusations of Yami/Tea

**

* * *

**

Hello! Welcome to my very first attempt to parody something! YAY!! (starts flinging rock-hard confetti)

Anyway...I AM YOUR HOSTESS, THE LOVELY, PURSE-SIZED DAMSEL OF DISASTER!! ALSO KNOWN AS SORA ASAGI! But you may call me...SORA-CHAAAAAN! I will be bringing to you chapter after chapter of hard-boiled action, dramatic horror, and tear-jerking romance!

...NOT! It'll just be some random screaming humor, and some kinda plot thing yeah. I was going to do another one-shot...some hilarious thingy about Yugi wishing he were taller and becoming a freakishly tall...well, freak. But the IDEAS SIMPLY DID NOT FLOW! So I decided to jump into one of those chapter-type story things.

Now, before I forget again...I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS. AND I DON'T OWN ALADDIN OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS. AND I DON'T OWN THE WHITE HOUSE OR ANY OF THE--oh, wait, that has nothing to do with this! But anyway...

TO THE MADNESS!

* * *

**Note:** "Sentences like this are in Spanish unless specified."

* * *

1: The Good, The Bad, And The Whitewheat 

"Oh, we come from a land  
An out-of-the-way place  
Where the caravan taxis roam  
Where we might cuss you out  
If we don't like your face  
It's barbaric, but hey, it's home

When the wind's from the east  
And the crowd's from the west  
And they're showing The Price Is Right  
Come on down, to our side  
Where you can pimp your ride  
It's yet another Domino Night!

A Domino Night!  
Like a Domino Day  
The streets are all filled  
With life never stilled  
That gets in your way

A Domino Night!  
Cars stolen every day  
I don't know the words  
But I know you've heard  
This song the old way..."

As the silver minivan screeched to a halt, the girl with her head hanging out the window, singing terribly off-key, was thrown to the ground as her ancient-type great uncle got out and started setting stuff up.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," the old geezer said to the studio audience, "I see you have all come for the tale...of SLEEPING BEAUTY!"

Silence. The girl pinned a **HI, MY NAME IS RET **nametag to her shirt.

"No?" the old guy said. "Then perhaps you have come for...THE PREDICTION OF THE STOCK MARKET!"

Again, there was silence.

"Still no?" the old man sighed as Ret pinned a **HI, MY NAME IS MR. DECREPIT **nametag on his shirt.

"I think they came for the parody of Aladdin," Ret told him.

"Oh, yeah..." Mr. D said with a sigh. "Well, I guess that works too."

The audience looked interested again.

"Well, as we all know," Mr. D went on as Ret set up their traveling knickknack shop, "there's one thing every good story needs."

"A hero and heroine?" an audience member called.

"Great theme music?" another tried.

"Bathroom breaks?" a third, squirming audience member said.

"Preparation H?" said a fourth, squirming for his own reasons.

"NO!" Mr. D replied. "They all need...A FANCY PROP!" With that, he whipped out a solid gold triangle with an Egyptian eye embossed on it. "This, my dear friends, is known as the Millennium Puzzle, and it is the focus behind our tale."

The audience went "Ooooh" and "Ahhhh" accordingly.

Mr. D nodded. "For you see, without this thing here, there would be no plot to this story. The lives of the people wound in it would never have intertwined and intersected in the way they did, and the whole focus would never--"

"HURRY IT UP!" screamed the bathroom-seeking audience member.

"Sorry," Mr. D said. "Anyway, our tale begins in Domino City, the place famous for its weird rules. It begins in the year where they had the first mayoral election where nobody ran, so they decided that the mayor's daughter would have to marry somebody and take the position."

"Why?" Ret asked dutifully, coming to sit next to Mr. D.

Mr. D shrugged. "Domino City is a messed-up place. They don't have stores; they just sell stuff on the streets. And everybody makes weird random comments about the weather. Now, our tale begins with a dark individual, who had a dark purpose for this bright trinket. It all began on a dark and stormy night..."

* * *

ON SAID DARK AND STORMY NIGHT, SOME SIX OR SEVEN OR SOMETHING MONTHS EARLIER...

"It's a dark and stormy night," Seto Kaiba surmised. "And I'm getting tired! Where is that stupid thief?"

"Maybe he bailed," his brother Mokuba suggested. They were sitting in a comfy limo in the middle of a rainstorm, waiting for a certain someone to show up.

A certain someone knocked on the window. Seto rolled down the window, and the certain someone, soaking wet, squeezed through.

Seto rolled the window back up. "What took you so long, Bakura?" he demanded.

"Well, excuse ME," Bakura said huffily as he tried to wipe water off of his sleeve. "In case you didn't know, stealing things takes more than five minutes, unless it's something broken."

"Do you have it or not?" Seto snapped.

Bakura rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah." He threw a small brown sack in Seto's general direction. It landed in Mokuba's lap.

Mokuba's face took on a look of disgust. "It's wet!"

"Just like me and everything else outside this cushy limo," Bakura retorted, still trying to wipe water off his pants.

"Never mind," Seto said, picking up the sack. Bakura glared at Seto as the latter very slowly opened the sack and pulled out what he had very nicely asked Bakura to steal. Well, actually, he slammed Bakura up against a wall and demanded he steal it.

"Hel-LO-o!" Bakura burst out suddenly. "Can I have my pay?!"

"Oh, be quiet," Seto replied. "You'll get your pay, once I get my prize." He opened his hand to reveal half a key. Digging in his pocket, he pulled the other half, with a fuzzy Life-Savers stuck to it.

Mokuba and Bakura watched as Seto pulled the fuzzy Life-Savers off of the second half and put the two halves together. The key, now put together, began to glow.

"Oooh!" Mokuba exclaimed. The glowing key suddenly levitated out of Seto's hands and shot through the window, making a nice 1-2 shaped hole.

Seto hit the intercom button. "Driver!" he yelled. "Follow that key!"

"Si, Señor Kaiba," Driver said. He floored it, sending everyone except Bakura to the floor. Bakura, acting on impulse, attached himself to the ceiling as Driver drove out of control, following the flying key.

Seto watched out the window as the key's glow led them down twisting, winding, looping, zigzagging, leapfrogging, X-shaped, and curly roads. Finally he saw the glow stop and was about to order Driver to stop as well, when a shockwave sent the limo flying.

"WOOO!" Mokuba cheered, as if it were a roller coaster.

The limo finally came to a stop upside down. Bakura, who had attached himself to the ceiling, was now attached to the floor. Seto was lying beside him. "Whatever happened, I'm putting you at fault," he said to Bakura.

"Oh, SURE," Bakura said. "Blame the innocent guilty evil thief."

They all climbed out of the broken window of the upside-down limo and stood up, brushing themselves off.

"Hey! Look!" Mokuba exclaimed, pointing.

Seto and Bakura looked up to see what he was pointing at. The glowing key had inserted itself into the lock of a huge warehouse. There was a dark figure near the steel doors.

"It's the Warehouse of Wonders," Bakura said in awe. "I never knew it really existed, until now. What a find. Wait until I tell my pals on ThieFiction that I know the location of the Warehouse of Wonders!"

Seto backhanded him. "THAT'S NOT WHAT WE'RE HERE FOR!" he stated. "Come on, let's go."

They and Mokuba walked up to the doors of the warehouse, completely ignoring the driver and whatever injuries he might have had. Suddenly, the figure beside the door straightened. "WHO DISTURBS MY SLUMBER?!" some random officer yelled.

"Uh...what?" Seto and Bakura looked at each other. The random police officer was wearing those big heavy police officer shades, thus obscuring her vision in the rainy night. She couldn't see who it was.

Seto jabbed Bakura in the side with his elbow. "Go on," he prodded.

"I don't wanna!" Bakura complained.

Seto shoved him in front of the guard. Random Police Officer straightened her sunglasses, not even thinking to take them off. "WELL?! Who disturbs my slumber? I only get thirty minutes to nap on the graveyard shift!"

"Um...I'm Bakura, a notorious thief," Bakura said. "I want to get into the Warehouse of Wonders and steal its many legendary treasures and junk."

"AHA!" Random Police Officer thrust a finger in Bakura's face, missing a brown eyeball by mere millimeters. "I KNEW IT! I'M HERE TO WARD OFF DESPICABLE SCUM LIKE YOU!" She sniffed. "Anyway, there's only one person allowed in here. The heir to this warehouse, capiche? And you ain't the heir, because I memorized the picture. So HANDS DOWN!" She violently tackled Bakura.

"AAAAH!" Bakura yelled as his face was slammed into the concrete.

"I MEAN, HANDS UP!" Random Police Officer started fumbling in her large pocket for handcuffs. "You have the right to remain silent, but your face is in the concrete, so you can't talk much anyway. You have the right to a doctor to diagnose the injuries you got when I tackled you. Anything you mumble or do can and will be used to slap you in the face in court. You have no right to a phone call when we get to the pokey because they haven't paid their bill."

As Random Police Officer continued a lengthy list of warped Miranda rights, Seto quietly pulled the picture of the warehouse heir from her pocket, and grabbed the back of Mokuba's shirt and hightailed it away. "I'm going to have to find this heir to the warehouse," he said under his breath as he dramatically swept his trenchcoat behind him.

The trenchcoat slapped Mokuba in the face.

**

* * *

**

THE NEXT DAY!

It was a nice and sunny morning in Domino City. There were a few puddles in dips in the road from last night's rain, but other than that, everything was nice and sunny. A bunch of nice and sunny people conducted nice and sunny business on the nice and sunny streets telling each other it was a nice and sunny morning. It was all nice and sunny. Until...

"STOP, THIEF!"

People moved aside as what looked like a fast-moving parade came barreling down the street. One solitary guy, carrying a plastic bag of bread and oil, was running down the street, being chased by five suited security guards.

_"Stop in the name of the law, bandit!" _Chemo, the captain of the security guards, bellowed through a megaphone.

Yami gave him a fleeting glance as he continued to run.

_"Don't ignore the law, robber!" _

Yami stuck his fingers in his ears, serving to piss Chemo off even more_. "Men!" _he yelled at his underlings, forgetting to remove the megaphone. Mako, Malik, Croquet, and Ryou, the guards under his command, all winced._ "Don't let the burglar get away!" _

The all continued their marathon through the streets. Yami turned around and started running backwards, making faces at the guards. Chemo's face grew red._ "You won't get away, purloiner!" _

Yami rolled his eyes. "Just another day for me, guards!" he said.

Some random guy in a music shop started playing the theme song music. They all waved at him in thanks as they ran by.

* * *

(To the tune of Aladdin's street song) 

(Yami)  
Just look, yet another morning  
One loaf, and uproar starts  
You know, I could take all this to heart  
How cute, they think they can catch me  
My trail, I'll soon erase  
Too bad, I like the thrill of the chase!

(Ryou)  
Oh dear!

(Chemo)  
_CATCH HIM!_

(Malik)  
HAHA!

(Mako)  
Close in!

(Yami)  
Why are you so testy?

(Chemo)  
_Maybe because you're a pest, G!_

(Yami)  
Don't use any slang  
It's a robber thang  
I wonder if this bread's on sale?

(Bystanding Girls)  
Well!  
Look who's here  
It's Yami the pickpocket!  
He's quite cute  
But his job's illegal!

(Girls' Mother)  
He steals everything  
From drapes to wockets!

(Yami)  
Yes, a mystery  
That's what I must be  
Everybody always says I'm not that tall  
One day, I won't have to steal stuff  
One day, I'll pay for real  
Till then, guess I'll go ahead and steal!

(Chemo)  
_One day, we're gonna get you, thief!_

(Mako)  
You won't escape for long!

(Croquet)  
You're weak, but on the other hand we're strong!

(Chemo)  
_I'm mad!_

(Ryou)  
That's bad!

(Girls)  
Quite sad

(Yami)  
I'm glad!  
Why do you guys bother?

(Chemo)  
_Because, of thieves, you're the father!_

(Yami)  
Yes, that may be true  
I'm faster than you  
And you've never caught a cold!

* * *

(Interlude) 

Yami saw that the guards were closing in, so he wrapped the bag's handles around his wrist and ran up a propped-up board. He dived off the edge and landed on a truck driving by. The security guards kept chasing, and Chemo whipped out a whistle and blew it.

The man driving the truck heard the whistle and stopped, and the guards hurried over. Malik laughed maniacally as he flung himself onto the roof, but his laughter died away when he found that Yami wasn't there.

"Where is he?" Ryou wondered aloud.

They all looked around, until Croquet shouted, "Up there!" and pointed. Yami was jumping from stall roof to stall roof, going in the opposite direction. The guards all turned to catch him, and in the process somehow knocked each other down.

Yami jumped back down to the ground and laughed at them as he ran off. The guards collected themselves and started chasing him again.

* * *

(Ryou)  
He's quick, and quite the criminal 

(Mako)  
I know, he just won't stop

(Chemo)  
_He won't get away this time!_

(Yami)  
You say, but remember last time?  
It's sad  
I'm truly on fire  
You should all retire  
Nobody can catch this thief!

(theme music ends)

* * *

Yami waved at the guards. "See ya!" He fell down an uncovered manhole, as planned. The guards all hurried to surround the manhole. 

_"Don't just stand there!!" _The guards winced again. _"EVERYBODY DOWN THE HOLE!" _

"We don't have any rope," said Mako.

_"Well, get some! We can't let the pilferer get away!" _

"Excuse me, sir," Ryou interrupted. "It's only a bag of bread and a container of oil. Why should we chase him over such an insignificant thing?"

_"Because it's the mayor's special whitewheat bread and cooking oil!" _Chemo said through the megaphone. _"We just got our first shipments today!" _

"He won't get away!" Croquet stated.

"Anybody got a rope?" asked Mako.

Malik simply snickered evilly.

There was silence, even from Chemo the Megaphone Overuser, as they tried to think of where to buy a rope. Near them, a guy was selling Ropes And Other Things You Can Use To Climb Down A Manhole And Catch A Thief With A Bag Of New Whitewheat Bread And Cooking Oil.

"I'm stumped!" Mako said.

_"We can't let that rustler get away!" _Chemo yelled. He shoved Malik and Mako down the manhole.

"Don't do that!" Ryou cried. "They'll get hurt!"

Chemo shrugged.

* * *

And...THAT'S THE FIRST CHAPTER! 

Yay! (starts dancing around like a maniac) THE SONG WAS FUN TO DO! I LIKED IT!

Um...anyway...Review please! (flashes puppy dog eyes) How about a preview to entice you?

* * *

Yami looked up to see what all the ruckus was about. These guys riding on silent motorcycles were driving down the street. Actually, the motorcycles were off, and the guys were pushing them along with their feet. They were dressed in white suits and were yelling, "Make way!" The one on the left was looking at a cue card in his hands as he shouted. 

Behind the men was a white limo. The white sunroof was rolled back, and a guy with green eyes and jet-black hair had his head out, waving regally at the crowd. He stopped momentarily to dramatically flip his black tresses back into the wind.

Yami sweatdropped. _Another one of these vain prince guys? _he thought to himself.

"Make way from Prince..." Guy 2 looked down at his cue card. "I mean, make way for Prince Duke, all the way from Cool Distant Land number 73!"

The crowd parted to let the limo through. They were all saying stuff in hushed voices.

"I heard he's come to wed the mayor's daughter and take over the city!" one woman said to another near Yami.

"With the luck the other seventy-two had, I'm sure he'll soon be sent packing with a hole in the butt of his pants," the other woman replied.

Princes and mayor's sons and dudes with big bank accounts had been coming once or twice a day for a while, all to try and convince the mayor to hand over his daughter in marriage. Sometimes they came in limos. Sometimes in jets. Sometimes they came on foot, because they learned the hard way that you can't use a yacht on land.

Yami watched as the procession continued, with Prince Duke constantly smoothing and flipping and playing with his hair.

"Look at how he plays with his hair!" said Woman 1.

"It's a wonder he hasn't ripped it all out yet," replied Woman 2.

* * *

SEE YOU NEXT TIME! 

...HOPEFULLY!


	2. The Two Big Important Plans

WELCOME BACK! Sorry for the wait, but all my prewritten chapters got deleted, so I had to WRITE THIS ONE ALL OVER! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO REWRITE THE SAME JOKES?!?!

Anyway, thanks for the first three reviewers! Yay! SOMEONE LIKES ME!

Now, we go to the refried Chapter Two!!! WOOOOOOOO!!

* * *

2: The Two Big Important Plans 

A few miles away, the cover of a manhole was pushed to the side, and Yami climbed out. He brushed the dirt off of himself and the bag of stolen goods. "Looks like I got away," he said to himself, covering the manhole back up. He straightened up just in time to be run over by a limo.

"Somebody got run over!" some random kid squealed from the sidewalk.

The limo's window rolled down, and Seto Kaiba poked his head out. "That didn't feel like a speed bump, Driver," he said.

"No duh, you idiot," Driver replied in Spanish. He shrugged and shook his head like Kaiba could see him.

Yami suddenly got up and brushed himself and the plastic bag off again. "Nice driving!" he said to the driver before walking off, completely unhurt.

Kaiba narrowed his eyes at the back of Yami's head. "No speed bump has hair like that," he said to himself.

"Why does this fool keep saying that?" Driver said to himself. "Oui, I mean, Si, Senor."

**

* * *

**

Yami weaved through the small crowds of people, heading home with his stolen goods. He had a sign on his back, that he had written himself, which said **OFF PICKPOCKETING DUTY. **The people around him saw the sign and therefore didn't have to shield their pockets.

"Make way! Make way! Make way!"

"We don't eat whey anymore!" someone yelled back.

Yami looked up to see what all the ruckus was about. These guys riding on silent motorcycles were driving down the street. Actually, the motorcycles were off, and the guys were pushing them along with their feet. They were dressed in white suits and were yelling, "Make way!" The one on the left was looking at a cue card in his hands as he shouted.

Behind the men was a white limo. One of the white windows was rolled down, and a guy with green eyes and jet-black hair had his head out, waving regally at the crowd. He stopped momentarily to dramatically flip his black tresses back into the wind.

Yami sweatdropped. _Another one of these vain prince guys? _he thought to himself.

"Make way from Prince..." Guy 2 looked down at his cue card. "I mean, make way for Prince Duke, all the way from Cool Distant Land number 73!"

The crowd parted to let the limo through. They were all saying stuff in hushed voices.

"I heard he's come to wed the mayor's daughter and take over the city!" one woman said to another near Yami.

"With the luck the other seventy-two had, I'm sure he'll soon be sent packing with a hole in the butt of his pants," the other woman replied.

Princes and mayor's sons and dudes with big bank accounts had been coming once or twice a day for a while. Sometimes they came in limos. Sometimes in jets. Sometimes they came on foot, because they learned the hard way that you can't use a yacht on land.

Yami watched as the procession continued, with Prince Duke constantly smoothing and flipping and playing with his hair.

"Look at how he plays with his hair!" said Woman 1.

"It's a wonder he hasn't ripped it all out yet," replied Woman 2.

"Is our gossiping getting to you?" Woman 1 asked Yami.

Yami shook his head. "No. I need something to laugh over later."

"Oh, good!"

Suddenly, a little girl with blond pigtails ran out into the middle of the street. Somehow her teddy bear had been knocked into the middle of the road. She got down and picked it up, hugging it happily, as if oblivious to the motorcycles and the limo.

The sunroof of the limo opened, and Prince Duke stuck his head up. "Out of the way, or I'm running you down!" he yelled, pausing a moment to flip his bangs.

Yami ran out into the street to save the girl. The limo ran him over.

A bunch of people gasped.

"Don't worry, people!" Woman 1 said. "He does this all the time!"

The limo stopped inches from the girl, who darted off. Yami stood up and brushed himself off, completely unhurt again. "What kind of jerk runs a little girl over on purpose?" he demanded.

"The kind of jerk in a hurry to get to the mayor's mansion!" Prince Duke explained. "So out of the way or I'll run you over again!"

"How about apologizing?" Yami demanded.

Prince Duke snorted. "I don't apologize to people with weird hair," he said. "DON'T MAKE ME FLOOR IT!" The limo's engine revved.

Yami stalked off the road as the procession continued. The **OFF PICKPOCKETING DUTY **sign had fallen off in the action, so people immediately started shielding their pockets.

* * *

LATER THAT DAY...

Even though the guards spent half the day searching through the manhole tunnels, they found no trace of Yami or the bag of whitewheat bread and cooking oil. Finally they gave up and left, dirty, and wet, and angry, and sobbing, in Ryou's case. He really wasn't fit to be a guard, but he didn't want to be a thief like his brother Bakura.

Anyway, Yami headed back home. He wearily climbed the stairs to his front door and entered his combination living room/dining room/bedroom. He shut the door behind himself and flopped down on the combination couch/bed. "I'm home," he said. "Where are you, Tristan?"

"I'M STUCK!" came the muffled reply.

With a sigh, Yami got up and went into the combination bathroom/kitchen. Sure enough, Tristan was stuck in the toilet again.

"What were you doing?" Yami demanded as he pulled Tristan out of the toilet.

"I was simply cleaning the toilet and I fell in," Tristan said. "It wouldn't be a problem if the little drainy hole wasn't so big." Tristan was a robot monkey.

"I think it's you that's too small," Yami commented. "Anyway, are you hungry? I have some canola oil...might be new..." He rummaged around in the plastic bag strapped to his arm.

"Oooh! CANOLA OIL!" Tristan cheered. "That's a lot better than used fried chicken oil!" He eagerly reached for the container and ran off to go get a funnel. Yami went back to the couch/bed and flopped on it. He ate seven slices of whitewheat bread, and Tristan drank a third of his canola oil. "I wish there was a such thing as robotic bananas," Tristan sighed.

Finished with his combination breakfast/lunch/snack/dinner/snack, Yami went to the only combination window/clothesline in his pathetic house, which was an abandoned clock tower on the bad side of town. "I don't know why I suddenly feel like bursting into sappy song," he said to himself. He pushed back the combination curtain/shutter, which was an old tablecloth, and looked out at the view. The huge mayor's mansion looked back at him.

Tristan climbed up onto the combination windowsill/breakfast bar. "Don't tell you're fantasizing about living in the mayor's mansion again?" he groaned.

"Why shouldn't I?" Yami retorted. "I bet it's nice." He sighed. "Just think of it. You'd have all the best food and clothes, and your decisions would help make the city a better place. And all that space. Just think of it. They probably have a separate bathroom and kitchen!"

"Good point," Tristan commented. "Everything wouldn't have to be a combination."

"Besides that," Yami went on," think of all the servants you'd have. They'd take care of everything. You wouldn't have any problems at all."

* * *

AT THE MANSION, WHERE THERE ACTUALLY WERE PROBLEMS AT ALL!

The door was thrown open. A angry and disgusted Prince Duke came storming through. "We're not getting married!" he yelled at Mayor Solomon.

"What?" the mayor asked, staring after him in confusion.

"I said, WE'RE NOT GETTING MARRIED!" Prince Duke headed for the front door in a huff. There was a large hole in the butt of his pants. "I hope she ends up being a spinster! IT'D SERVE HER RIGHT!" He threw open the front door and stormed out, pausing to flip his hair over his shoulder dismissively, and slammed the door behind him.

Mayor Solomon hurried to the Prince-Be-Gone garden. It didn't really have a name, but the servants all called it that because that was where the mayor's daughter turned down all her possible suitors. "What has my daughter done?" he said to himself.

He entered the Prince-Be-Gone garden and saw her sitting on the edge of the large fountain. "What happened?" he exclaimed.

Suddenly a shadow loomed over him. Two blue eyes were gleaming at him, and a large pair of pliers with a piece of torn fabric from Prince Duke's pants in them glistened in the sun. "Can I help you, Mayor?"

"Ishizu!" Mayor Solomon exclaimed. "Don't tell me you used those pliers again!"

Ishizu nodded and leaned back. "He had it coming," she said.

"Don't blame Ishizu." The mayor's daughter, Tea, appeared beside her advisor. "I asked her to do it."

"WHY do you insist on driving all the princes, mayor's sons, and men with big bank accounts from here?" the mayor demanded.

"Because they all suck," Tea answered. "I don't want to get married just to get married. I want to marry for love." She sighed and clasped her hands under her chin. "I want to meet the man for me. And I'm pretty sure it wasn't that guy. He plays with his hair more in an hour than I do in a month."

Ishizu shook her head in disgust, crossing her arms. "And he wears eyeliner. That alone disqualified him in my book."

"Tea, if you never get married, who will take over the city?" the mayor asked.

"Why don't we just ELECT someone?" Tea demanded.

Mayor Solomon shrugged. "Nobody ran. And the law clearly states that if nobody runs, then you have to marry somebody and take over the city yourself."

"THAT'S THE STUPIDEST LAW I EVER HEARD!" Tea said. She went over to the fountain and sat down on the edge in a pout.

"Listen to me Jasm--I mean, Tea," Solomon said. "You're getting married and that's that!" He headed off, then turned back. "And Ishizu, GET RID OF THOSE PLIERS!" Then he left.

Ishizu, completely ignoring the mayor, went over and sat next to Tea, still holding the pliers.

"This is so unfair," Tea said. "I don't want to marry some bozo just because Dad wants me to! I want to find the man for me and marry him. But with all these stupid guys coming to ask me to marry them, how will I ever find the right one?"

"Like I always say," Ishizu said, waving her pliers philosophically, with the fabric of Duke's pants flapping in the wind, "you must follow your heart. That's the only thing you can rely on. That and a reliable pair of pliers."

Tea sighed. "I know. And my heart tells me I'll never find my soul mate sitting here in the mansion. I want to get out and explore, but Dad'll never let me set foot outside the gates without a fence of guards around me. He thinks some weirdo will swoop down and try to cut off my arm or something."

"Well, what do you think you should do about it?" Ishizu asked.

Tea looked down, thinking. "I don't know," she lied. But in her mind, she was hatching a plan.

**

* * *

WITH THE MAYOR MAN! **

Mayor Solomon sighed and sat down. "What am I going to do?" he said to himself.

Suddenly Kaiba showed up. "Ah, Jafa--I mean, Seto, my trusted most trusted advisor whom I can trust. You showed up just in time."

"Yeah, well, that's what I'm here for," Kaiba said, straightening the upturned collar of his trenchcoat. "To be trusted. What do you need, sir?"

"My daughter refuses to marry any of the princes, mayor's sons, or men with big bank accounts that come to call. And her advisor Ishizu always tears out the butt of their pants with her blasted pliers to drive them away. I just don't know what to do. If Tea doesn't marry someone, who will take over the city? AND WHO WILL HELP ME EAT MUSHY FOOD AND TAKE OUT MY DENTURES WHEN I GET OLDER?"

Kaiba rubbed his chin. "Hmmm," he said. "I'll have to think it over in my Evi--my thinking quarters. But I'll need your shiny monocle."

"Eh?" The mayor pulled a monocle out of his pocket. "This? OKAY!" He handed it to Kaiba.

"Thank you sir." Kaiba walked away, trying hard not to burst into evil laughter.

**

* * *

THAT VERY NIGHT! **

That night, as I mentioned before, a dark figure quietly crossed the Prince-Be-Gone garden. It was wearing a blue hoodie, with the hood up, a jet-black miniskirt, knee-high socks, and white running shoes. It headed for the big tree that leaned against the 11-foot marble fence around the mayor's mansion. It started to climb the tree, carefully looking for the sturdiest branches. It skillfully made its way up.

Okay, we'll stop being dramatic. Tea, in the abovementioned getup, ran across the Prince-Be-Gone garden, tripping over several things that make noise when tripped over, including the fountain. She jumped on the tree trunk and started climbing up as best she could. Before she got her feet off the ground she already had leaves sticking to the sweat on her face.

Finally Tea started making headway. She was already huffing and puffing like some miniskirt-wearing big bad wolf, but she was almost a foot off the ground. Suddenly, something grabbed her sock in a fierce grip.

"And what do you think you're doing?" Ishizu asked, calmly holding Tea in place by the sock with her trusty pliers.

"Um...pruning the tree?" Tea tried.

Ishizu's eyes narrowed. "At three in the morning? In that costume?"

"Oh, okay. I'm going to run away and look for my man," Tea replied.

"Why didn't you say so?" Ishizu let go of Tea's sock. Tea, however, was so off-balance that she fell to the ground.

Ishizu leaned over her. "By the way, if you plan on climbing any more trees, you might need these." She dropped a pair of baggy khakis on Tea's face.

"Thanks," Tea said in a muffled voice before pulling the khakis off of her face.

"Here, let me give you a hand," Ishizu said. She grabbed the hood of Tea's hoodie with her pliers and tossed Tea over the wall. Of course, she let go just in time so she didn't tear off a piece of Tea's hoodie.

**

* * *

**

**IN A DARK AND DANK PLACE!**

Mokuba started turned the crank again. "Is it working yet?" he asked.

_"I need more power!" _Seto thundered.

Mokuba turned the crank some more. They were in Evil Kaiba's Evil Lair Of Evil Thinking And Evil, affectionately named by both. Seto had come up with Kaiba's Lair of thinking; Mokuba had added all the Evils and the And.

"Is it working _yet_?" Mokuba asked again. "My arms are starting to hurt!"

_"I need more power!" _Seto thundered again.

Mokuba sighed and turned the crank some more. Finally he stopped. "MY ARMS HURT!" he complained.

_"I need more--" _Seto stopped the tape of his voice. "Okay, I think we're ready," he said. He turned on the lamp. "IT'S DONE!"

"YESSSS!" Mokuba cheered, pumping a fist. He eagerly joined Seto at the table. "CAN I SEE?"

Seto handed him the completed s'more. Mokuba cheered again and scarfed it down. "Nur kurn wur lurk urt thur purkchure?" he asked through a s'more.

"Yes we can." Seto whipped the picture out of his trenchcoat pocket and held it under the lamp. An oddly familiar face stared back at him.

"Hur urs durt?" Mokuba asked.

"That's the heir to the Warehouse of Wonders," Seto said. "And he's the guy I ran over yesterday. Hmmm. According to his clothes, he's a homeless orphan who lives in an abandoned clock tower with a robotic monkey."

Mokuba snapped his fingers. "Urt wurs urn thur turp urf mur turng," he said. He stuck out his tongue to prove it, revealing chewed-up s'more.

Seto grunted. "Well, then I've got to find some way to get him into the mansion," he said. "He must be a pickpocket. Perhaps I can arrest him under those charges."

"Nur, urvrurburdur durs thurt. Yur shurd hurv surmburdur furlur hurm," Mokuba suggested.

Seto brightened. "That's an EXCELLENT idea!" he said.

"Yur, Ur nur," Mokuba replied proudly.

"You do it," Seto said, pointing at Mokuba.

"Mur?! Nur wur! Urm nurt lurvurng thur murnshur fur NURTHURN!" Mokuba exclaimed.

Seto gave him THE LOOK.

"Ur, furn, Ur'll dur urt," Mokuba sighed.

* * *

SETO HAS EVIL PLANS! And Tea has man-searching plans...hmmm. WHO WILL BE THE FIRST TO SUCCEED?!?!? 

Well, I know, but you don't, so HAHAHAHA!

Oh, and here's a preview!

* * *

A shadow loomed over her. "Pardon me," a gruff voice said, "but I was happily SELLING those bags of whitewheat bread." 

Tea looked up to see a tall, muscular guy with blond hair. "Now, do you have the twenty dollars and seventy-two cents I charge for six bags of new Whitewheat bread?" he gruffed.

"Um, how about five dollars instead?" Tea suggested brightly.

The guy stuck out his hand, and Tea handed him the money. "Now I'll take your arm as collateral, because I'm a barbarian," he said. He grabbed her arm and whipped out an axe, out of nowhere.

"Wait! Wait!" Tea cried. He let go, and she quickly checked her pendant. It wasn't glowing. He wasn't her man. "Okay, you're clear," she said, handing him back her arm.

He grabbed it again and raised the axe. "Don't do it!" Tea pleaded, not realizing she could have gotten away when she checked her pendant. "I can go back home to my dad--he's the mayor--and he has lots of money! He can give you a piece of the marble fence!"

"I don't want marble, I want arm," the guy said. He raised the axe and brought it down.

"I'M TOO PRETTY TO HAVE HALF AN ARM!" Tea wailed.

* * *

Anyway, see you sooner than you did this time! 


End file.
